Sunday, January 31, 2010

Non-Divorce

With this recession has come a variety of articles about the non-divorce or roommate living arrangement between spouses. Whatever you call it, staying together because you cannot afford to live in two households can work. However, there are pitfalls to be sure. If you are trying to make the decision between staying together and filing for divorce, legal separation, or annulment, there are some commonsense objectives to keep in mind. First, do you both agree that it is over? If it is over for one and not the other, there is bound to be arguing, stress, and disappointment. What will be the impact on the children from watching this constant struggle play out each day? If both of you agree it is over, you need to set boundaries and ground rules to save your sanity and that of your children. When do you want to separate? A deadline gives you light at the end of the tunnel. Who is paying what? Is it time to separate checking accounts? Who is doing what chores around the house? Who is paying which bills? I know you are thinking, if we could agree on these things we would not need to separate. But, this is really about how much money is coming and how much is going out each month - simple budgeting, not about fair or equal.

Giving the children the opportunity to spend time with one parent while the other parent takes a day or weekend off is something that seems to work for some people. It is similar to a nesting arrangement (see prior post), but it is an informal arrangement without lawyers, court orders, or a legal action. Aside from giving each of you a break, it has the added benefit of getting used to being without the children while the other has placement.

Most importantly, talk to a therapist about how to make it work. Talking to others who have separated often gets you a long story about the worst of their situation. People only tend to remember the worst.

If you want the strength of a legal document, instead of relying on your spouse to honor your verbal agreement, you should call an attorney who drafts marital agreements, also referred to as post-nups or post-nuptial. These agreements lay out what happens in the event of divorce or legal separation, and death. For example, it can spell out the children's placement schedule when a divorce is filed or who is responsible for certain debts.

None of this will work if you are in a domestic violence situation. No post-nup should be worth the paper it is written on if it is the result of threats or coercion. Criminal cases resulting from domestic disputes and/or violence seem to be on the rise. Staying together to save money when your relationship that is verbally or physically abusive can come at the cost of medical bills, loss of reputation, criminal defense attorney fees, court fines and costs, even jail or prison. It is the opinion of this writer, that it is never worth the costs. Both spouses need the help of a therapist regardless of whether they stay together or separate.

Keep in mind this blog is for Wisconsin residents only. As always, this is no substitute for legal advice from an attorney that knows your particular circumstances. No attorney-client relationship is formed between the reader and Lakeland Law Firm, LLC from reading this blog.

11 comments:

  1. thanks for a straight forward post. I agree that there are ways to separate that do not involve ripping each other to bits legally. And to see a professional about your own emotions can help so much in this area.

    Nicola
    www.simpledivorceadvice.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't know whether it's me or what but I feel that in Wisconsin the levels of divorces are increasing. I never had any trouble in my marriage thanks to my medicament of Viagra Online.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I couldn’t agree with you more! I too, find it pathetic living in together after ending the marriage verbally. Yes, children are the most affected ones in this situation. Seeing their home torn apart each day is the most traumatic and unethical way to raise them. To save them from rebellious acts and weak beliefs about family and homes parents should decide what, when and how. Cut the selfishness line and think of the future of your children, divorce lawyers in Jacksonville, FL. would be happy to set guidelines. Family Law Jacksonville, Florida should not be taken for granted for this could save a home rather than shattering it.

    Before doing crazy things and selfish thing, please do think of your children first.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really like this blog, It's always nice when you can not only be informed, but also get knowledge, from these type of blog, nice entry. Thanks
    divorce attorney long island, ny

    ReplyDelete
  5. Almost every family undergoes problems, some which are sorted out by themselves and some which are not, depending upon the issue created in the family.For such situations it is important to hire a Family Lawyer who with his intelligence and knowledge resolve your case.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Its an extraordinary delight perusing your post.Its brimming with data I am searching for and I want to post a remark that "The substance of your post is marvelous" Great work. lakelandlawyers.net

    ReplyDelete
  7. “The work of Dr Itua love spell  far exceeded my expectations. I’m not usually one for sharing feelings but I was able to open up here. I would definitely recommend it for someone whose marriage is in serious trouble. I can’t thank you enough for giving my marriage life. Dr Itua reside in west africa who brought my husband back after running away with another woman claiming he loves her more than me but after the love spell of Dr Itua he come back to me with a marriage proposal and today we are happily married also we have being living for 5 years now without no side effect, I thank Dr Itua for his love spell to save my marriage.
    I will recommend anyone seeking love spell to bring back his or her ex back, here is Dr Itua contact,, Email:  drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com /// Whats-App :  +2348149277967

    ReplyDelete
  8. They're produced by the very best degree developers who will be distinguished for your polo dress creating. You'll find polo Ron Lauren inside exclusive array which include particular classes for men, women. Grayfords

    ReplyDelete
  9. I truly like you're composing style, incredible data, thankyou for posting. child custody lawyer

    ReplyDelete
  10. A London based law firm. Our commitment to all of our clients is to
    provide them with efficient, instant, comprehensive & professional advice
    throughout their UK immigration matter, offering a personal touch and an
    assurance that you will be treated the way we would want to be treated.
    Contact one of our lawyers in our firm if you want to apply for further
    leave to remain, for permanent stay or to regularise your stay in the United Kingdom.
    We have extensive knowledge of dealing with all types of UK visa and immigration
    matters.
    Divorce Lawyer in London

    ReplyDelete